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This Sunday night at 8pm marks the return of my absolute favorite television show. Ninja Warrior, G4’s ultimate TV competition of determination, athletic prowess and endurance, is back! This incredible game show import from Japan has been taking the U.S. by storm and is known there as Sasuke. The show pits 100 competitors against some of the toughest obstacles you’re ever likely to see in what can only be described as a no holds barred mad dash to stay dry and finish first. What makes Ninja Warrior so great? The show manages to take a simple premise (who can finish the course the quickest) and turn it into 1/2 hour blocks of some of the most compelling human drama you’re ever likely to see.

Without giving too much away, there have been only a handful of competitors who have actually made it all the way to the end to claim the coveted title of “Ninja Warrior”. Now in its 20th season, the show features seasoned veterans, green newbies, TV personalities and even the occasional comic relief thrown in for good measure. Players race, swing, climb and dive through 4 grueling stages to try and obtain Japan’s version of “fortune and glory”. If you’ve not checked out Ninja Warrior yet, do yourself and your TiVo a favor and set a season pass for the all new ninja block starting this weekend on G4. You won’t be disappointed.

Admit it. There have been times when you’ve tuned into an episode of a particularly bad television show for no other reason than, shall we say, the “eye candy”. Maybe you even tuned in for an entire season or more just to catch a glimpse of that certain actor or actress that made your heart go pitter patter. Thanks to yet another exchange between Twitter friends on this very subject, I’m happy to present a list of what I’m calling my top five “TV Turd Blossoms”. Even though the shows that starred them were veritable train wrecks, they all made us think twice about changing the channel, which I think, was the entire point of casting them. Read on and feel free to add your own turd blossoms in the comments below.

• • •

Christina Applegate
Married With Children

Fox’s anti-Cosby series about the dysfunctional Bundy family was notable for several reasons. Unlike anything that had come before, Married reveled in endless lowbrow humor and sexual innuendo. It played shamelessly to the studio audience, at times almost making them a full fledged cast member. The show’s humor never really appealed to me, but thanks to Christina Applegate’s Kelly Bundy, I somehow managed to tune in for more than a few episodes. Christina’s obvious sex appeal, combined with her sly performance as the ultimate “dumb blonde” had millions of viewers wishing she was the girl who lived next door.

• • •

Heather Thomas
The Fall Guy

I think it’s safe to say that Heather Thomas was the “hood ornament” on The Fall Guy’s 4×4 big rig. The show centered around stuntman by day, bounty hunter by night, Colt Severs played by Lee Majors, and was known for pedestrian plots, glorified stunt work and Hollywood glam. You only had to watch the opening credits of The Fall Guy to get a pretty good idea why Heather Thomas was cast in the forgettable role of Jodie Banks. Typical dialog for Heather included such award winning lines as “Watch out Colt, he’s got a gun!” and “I hate you Howie!”. Never-the-less, Heather’s California good looks, along with sales of one of the most successful posters of the 80’s, help keep The Fall Guy breaking through windows and catching crooks for five full seasons.

• • •

Donna Dixon
Bosom Buddies

Back before Tom Hanks was the Oscar-winning, world famous actor and producer he is today, he starred in a little sitcom (yes, that is Hanks singing the Billy Joel title track in the opening credits) about two guys pretending to be women in order to get an apartment in Manhattan. Although I was only 11 at the time, I remember the show not for the forced jokes about men in drag, or even Peter Scolari’s impressive juggling skills. Nope, the thing I remember most about Bosom Buddies was Sonny Lumet, played to Marilyn Monroe-esque proportions by Donna Dixon. Unbeknownst to me, Dixon’s Sonny provided the visual counterbalance for audience members uncomfortable with watching two men parading around in makeup for laughs. And although the writers took full advantage of Dixon’s sex appeal, Bosom Buddies just wasn’t funny enough to last beyond 2 seasons.

• • •

Jeri Ryan
Star Trek Voyager

By the third season of Star Trek Voyager, UPN’s flagship show was starting to limp along on impulse power. The powers that be decided to axe Kes, played by Jennifer Lein, in favor of another character that has since become synonymous with TV eye candy. From the moment she first stepped onto the cargo bay in her infamous catsuit, it was clear Jeri Ryan’s portrayal of Seven of Nine would blast Voyager back into warp speed. The move was decried by critics and even some cast members as blatantly sexist and an attempt to lure the young male demographic back into the Trek universe. Evidently the ploy worked as Voyager’s ratings picked up, complex stories began centering on Seven’s character and to her credit, Ryan strove to make the part her own. While Voyager is considered by many to be one of the weakest in the Trek franchise, it’s a testament to Ryan that the series’ best dramatic moments often came from the Borg once seen only as a bombshell.

• • •

Lynda Carter
Wonder Woman

Perhaps no other role on television epitomizes the idea of a TV turd blossom as that of Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman. When the show’s producers cast Carter in the title role, she had little more than a 1972 Miss World title and $25 dollars to her name. Despite some of the cheesiest plots, villains and sets this side of Paradise Island, Carter’s warmth and enthusiasm for the part always shone through. When Wonder Woman moved from a World War II to modern day setting on a completely different network, Carter took the change in stride and did her best to make the show successful. To this day, not many people can remember the stories of Wonder Woman, but everyone knows who played her. Carter’s beauty may have lassoed the viewers, but it was her ability to rise above the awful material that turned her into one of the most beloved heroines in TV history.

Don’t forget to Digg It!

While I was on my lunch break the other day, I thought I would tune into FM Talk 101.1 and see if I could stomach what Boortz was dishing out, even if just for a little while. It didn’t take long to realize that was a mistake. After bloviating for about 10 minutes on the fair tax, he went into a section where callers who disagreed with him are allowed through the screening process so Boortz can berate them on national radio.

Even before the gentleman came on the air, Boortz made fun of the man because he dared to call the host a hypocrite for his stance on the fair tax. What followed was typical for right-wing conservative radio hosts and a lesson for anyone who thinks they can teach these clowns a lesson by simply making a phone call.

First, the segment was done at 12:56pm right before the hard break, so you knew it wasn’t going to last long. Second, Boortz let the caller get about 20 words out before cutting him off. Literally. Boortz interrupted the caller after he tried to make a very relevant point about just how unfair the supposed “fair tax” was by launching into his “you’ve got to be back up your position with more than just calling me a hypocrite” bit. But as he spoke it was evident that even if the caller wanted to back up his position, he couldn’t because Boortz had cut him off over a minute ago. So Boortz continues to “lecture” the caller about how he’s an idiot, asking him questions he can’t respond to and calling him a “closet liberal”, all while he’s talking to dead air.

If radio hosts like Neil Boortz, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingrahm actually had a spine, or the ability to defend their positions publicly, they wouldn’t need to hang up on callers. When presented with well-reasoned arguments they usually resort to tricks like hard breaks, or the covert disconnect.

Thankfully some radio hosts actually listen to their callers and let them get more than 2 words out. These are the good guys and I thank them for being, you know, human. I also admire people who have the guts to call into Boortz and Limbaugh to try and set the record straight, but sadly, most of the time they are just taken back behind the “radio barn” and shot. So the next time you’re thinking about picking up the phone to lecture an asshat, remember the words of Sean Connery in The Untouchables - “Never bring a knife to a gun fight.” Here endeth the lesson.

Speaking of podcasts, it seems I’ve taken my first steps into a larger world. Thanks to the group blog post regarding Battlestar Galactica, myself, Jen Segrest and Dave Caolo got together after the BSG season premiere and did a quick audio commentary of the episode. We’re not sure if it will turn into a regular thing just yet, but it sure was fun! The podcasts lasts a mere 13 minutes (ha!) as Dave, Jen and I discuss subjects including our picks of the final cylon models, connections to the original Battlestar Galactica, and Dave’s apparent fear of boxing and deep emotional turmoil.

If you’ve not watched the season premier of Battlestar Galactica season 4 yet, you’ll want to hold off on this until you catch up. Spoilers do not a great podcast make. But if you’ve watched and are in the mood for three geek’s views on all things sci-fi, then give it a try. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Listen in a browser window here.

Download the podcast here.

March isn’t what I would typically categorize as “zombie season”, but none-the-less this helpful video from the good folks at Common Craft is just what I’ve been looking for. There’s never a Charlton Heston, Will Smith or Simon Pegg around when you need one so I think it’s best to be prepared. On a related note, be sure to check out the Twitter in Plain English video too. Think of it as a helpful teaching tool for those morlocks who still don’t “get” Twitter.

Late last week I purchased the audio book of Julia Sweeney’s one woman show “Letting Go of God”. You may know Julia best from her comedic performance of “Pat”, the androgynous character from Saturday Night Live circa 1990-1994. After Sweeney left SNL, she was hit with a series of family traumas. Her brother Michael was diagnosed and eventually died of lymphoma, and soon after she herself was also diagnosed with cancer. She battled through the disease and came through the ordeal resolved and creatively infused.

The result was a series of monologues that she honed into one-woman shows. Her most recent first premiered in October of 2004 and ran with both popular and critical success for ten months in Los Angeles. Letting Go of God is a funny and moving autobiographical account of how Sweeney explored her traditional Catholic upbringing and eventually found it wanting. She tells the tale, with typical Julia flair and wit, of how she found no comfort in either the Old or New testaments, roamed the globe as she explored other religions and eventually turned to atheism.

There is a great deal in Letting Go of God that I can relate to, both as a Catholic and as one who has survived an ordeal with cancer. I find it fascinating how Julia wrestled with the notion of God in relation to her life and illness and came out Godless on the other side. Unlike her however, there were many times while I was undergoing chemotherapy that I thought I wouldn’t make it through the day without knowing that God was somehow watching over me. That being said, like Julia, I don’t subscribe to the literal notion of Adam and Eve or Noah and the flood. In Letting Go, Julia explains that these tales are not myths, but more “myth-ish” - stories that never actually happened, but were told to help us shape our behavior and our spiritual beliefs. Sometimes this was for the better, and sometimes unfortunately, for the worse.

If you enjoy critical thinking and are prepared to listen with an open mind, then I highly recommend Letting Go of God. I don’t agree with Julia’s ultimate conclusions, but her spiritual journey from wide-eyed “nun-lover” to full-blown atheist is funny, poignant and satisfying. It also cleverly casts light on some hypocritical notions from Catholicism and religion in general. You can get a taste for Letting Go of God over at YouTube and if you enjoy it enough to want more, check out the audio book on iTunes.

Growing up, one of the things my friends and I did to keep ourselves amused was hold mock game shows. Our favorite was a play on Name that Tune called Name that Show. Each week, a different kid in the neighborhood was in charge of taping theme music from anywhere from 10-30 TV shows. We’d then get together on Saturday afternoon and see if we could stump each other with our selections. We even gave bonus points out for quick answers.

So now I’m pleased to present Name that Show, in blog format! Were you a TV junkie growing up? Grab a pencil and paper and get ready for a romp down memory lane. For extra fun, grab your significant other and see who scores best!

How to score: For each one of these TV theme shows you guess correctly, give yourself 10 points. Some shows are more difficult than others and have 5 additional bonus points if you guess before the time indicated (or just at all). When you’ve finished all ten shows, check the inviso-text answer key at the end and tally your points. Then post your total in the comment thread (unless it’s too embarrassing to share) for the rest of the world to see. Have fun and let me know what you think (too hard? too easy?).

• • •

Action/Adventure
1974-1978

Of course you knew this one, right? But did you guess within the first 35 seconds? If so, give yourself +5 bonus points for being a major geek of the 70’s. But before you vacuum the shag carpet, invite the friends over, bust out the fondue and get all cocky, you better think again. They only get harder from here.

• • •

Comedy
1968-1970

I’ll admit I didn’t watch this show in first run since I wasn’t alive then, but I came to know and love it in re-run heaven. Anyone from New England might have a slight advantage here, but I suspect the humor from this beloved show based on a hit film of the same name is universal. Give yourself +5 points if you guessed it at all. Yeah, it’s that hard.

• • •

Documentary
1976-1982

One of my favorite TV shows of all time, and if you know me, then that’s enough of a hint already. Even if you never watched this show first hand as a kid, I’m willing to bet you still know what it is thanks to the distinctive theme music. The track includes a bit of narration at the end that might help those in the dark.

• • •

Action/Crime
1975-1976

This short-lived TV show of the 70’s spawned a bunch of siblings and its music might initially be confusing to the uninitiated. However, if you’re quick on the draw and guess this one before the main theme starts at the 20 second mark, you’ve well earned those +5 bonus points.

• • •

Adventure
1978-1979

I just love the funk that oozes from this groovy 70’s theme song. This one will probably be either instantly recognizable or you won’t guess it at all. For those who manage to snag the solution, there’s an extra 5 points in it for you if you guessed correctly within the first 10 seconds. A tall order perhaps, but not for fans of this classic show.

• • •

Mystery
1977-1979

This childhood favorite aired on ABC and had a memorable opening credits sequence. Chances are the name of this one is right on the tip of your tongue, so give yourself an extra 5 bonus points if you managed to uncover the clues and identified this riddle correctly.

• • •

Adventure/Sci-Fi
1983-1984

Quite possibly the hardest show on the list, it aired for only one season on ABC. You know those shows that TV executives decide rip-off from popular movies? Yeah, this is one of those. If you know what movies were blowing away audiences in 1982, then it might not be game over (no Googling!). Five bonus points await you for guessing this one correctly.

• • •

Mystery/Thriller
1970-1973

This spooky show aired for three seasons in the 70’s and managed to walk away with two prime-time Emmy awards in the process. It was so scary, I wasn’t even allowed to watch it as a kid, which was just fine with me. The bit of narration at the end might help you identify it, but perhaps not.

• • •

Sci-Fi
1970-1971

I told you these would be difficult didn’t I? And you thought this was gonna be a cake walk. A full 5 extra points await you if you correctly name the British import with the swinging theme music heard here.

• • •

Drama/Crime
1977-1983

I shouldn’t even award bonus points for this one it’s so easy. If you don’t know the name of this show, then chances are you’re too young to remember a time before remote controls, CDs and cheesy cop shows. You’ll need to be quick to get these 5 bonus points though, keep an eye on the second hand!

• • •

The Amazing Inviso-Answer Key

Got all your guesses written down and bonus points ready to tally? Then roll your cursor over the block of text below for the answers to this edition of Name That Show. It’s like magic!

• Show 1 - The Six Million Dollar Man
• Show 2 - The Ghost & Mrs. Muir
• Show 3 - In Search Of…
• Show 4 - S.W.A.T.
• Show 5 - The Amazing Spiderman
• Show 6 - The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
• Show 7 - Automan
• Show 8 - Rod Serling’s Night Gallery
• Show 9 - UFO
• Show 10 - CHiP’s

How Did You Score?

145 TV Junkie / You know all the words to The Courtship of Eddie’s Father
120 - 140 Couch Potato / You can name all six Charlie’s Angels
80 - 115 Armchair Warrior / You probably remember who shot J.R.
30 - 70 Average Joe / “Porkchops & applesauce” is just what’s for dinner
0 - 20 Bookworm / You don’t even know how many castaways there were

Every night during dinner, my wife and I flip channels during the commercials of Wheel of Fortune to TMZ. I got a good laugh tonight as they lamented the fact that with Britney in the hospital, they had nothing new to report on the infamous Ms. Spears. Turns out, I laughed too soon.

News from CNN today that since she’s not a “legal danger to herself or others” they couldn’t hold her any longer and were forced to release her back out into the cruel jungle that is the savage home of the Los Angeles paparazzi. Her father still holds conservatorship over her estate for the time being and should continue to help her focus on getting better, but I consider this a major setback. This bit from the CNN piece explains why:

“Spears left the facility in her black Mercedes-Benz and drove to a hotel with television helicopters tracking her every move. A crowd of photographers swarmed around her when she arrived.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, as long as Britney is within arms reach of the media, she’ll never really be able to get help. She adores being the center of attention, to the exclusion of her family, friends and even her children. She’d rather be seen running out for an espresso in the middle of the night than staying home and taking care of her boys.

Fellow blogger Sam Spagnola seems to think that Britney has mental health problems such as a bi-polar disease. This very well may be, and if so, her need for treatment becomes even more imperative. But she’s now been released from medical care prematurely at least 3 times for one reason or another and her time is running out. If her father doesn’t take immediate and decisive action, I fear the 8-ball’s prediction may come true much sooner than originally thought. The media won’t leave her alone, and unless someone gets her the hell out of Dodge, she ain’t got a prayer.

A flash mob is basically performance art, but on a grand scale. Large groups of people quickly assemble, perform a particular action and then disperse. Large population centers like New York and Stockholm are great spots for flash mobs since so many people are out and about. Those who participate receive a call or text message on their cell phones to show up somewhere and then they are told what they’ll be performing. The first flash mob was a giant pillow fight, but they’ve also invaded an Apple Store as zombies and danced silently in London’s Victoria Station.

Of all the flash mob events I’ve seen, this one in New York’s Grand Central Station has to be the best. Over 200 people walk in, and freeze solid for about five minutes. Check it out:

I love the expressions of the observers as they walk around stunned by this odd sight. The participants did a great job of finding poses that make them seem totally caught in time. The one woman eating a banana, the guy who dropped the papers. Somehow none of them crack a smile or break character while frozen and the crowd is fascinated.

My favorite line is the one onlooker who says near the end “I thought it was only me.” Like a scene out of Clockstoppers, hundreds of people managed to bend the perceptions of strangers for a brief moment. Reality is called into question and art is born. Pure Internet gold.

Evidently the Magic 8-Ball isn’t the only one who thinks Britney Spears isn’t long for this world. News out today from USMagazine that the Associated Press has begun working up Spears’ official obituary. You know, just “in case”. While this may seem rather heartless on the surface, it really does make sense. Given her penchant for running people over, her constant drug and alcohol abuse and her wild emotional mood swings, and you can hope for the best, but common sense says fear the worst. I’ve heard that her family is actually exploring legal options to have her committed in order to force her to get help. That doesn’t actually sound like a bad idea to me. Maybe, just maybe, the story about AP’s gruesome preparedness will snap her back to reality long enough to get a grip regarding her destructive ways. Then again she’ll probably just go back to sleeping with the paparazzi. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.